I broke down last night after another rejection. I don’t know how much more of this I can take

This past year has been the hardest year of my professional life. I’ve been interviewing nonstop. Studying every night. Sacrificing weekends. Missing time I could’ve spent resting or just being present. I genuinely believed that if I worked hard enough, if I performed well enough, it would eventually convert into an offer. But it hasn’t. I studied everything, DSA, did 500 problems, learned System Design HLD-LLD both and have been appearing for Interviews non stop January 2025 onwards and 0 offer scored so far. Last night I broke down. I was literally sobbing. My wife held me while I cried, and I felt embarrassed and defeated at the same time. I’ve never felt this small over my career before. The interviews themselves feel impossible now. For every one topic I prepare, two or three more show up and blindside me. I read Alex Xu's system design books end to end and yet I fail to crack System Design rounds. I don't have a background in product based company so experience of working on large scale tech is lacking in me. Whenever I get a random system design question, I try my best to come up with a design and most of the times I am able to do it, but whenever cross questioning is done, that is where I freeze, that's when my lack of experience is completely exposed and it's embarrasing because now I have 8.5 years of experience. I follow the framework mentioned in HelloInterview, but the real world interview just catch you offguard completely. It feels like I’m trying to hit a moving target that keeps accelerating. I went on vacation last week hoping to reset. While I was there, I got a rejection from Microsoft, a loop I thought I did well in. That one hit differently. It ruined the entire trip. I couldn’t relax after that. Now I’m stuck in this strange loop: * When I’m idle, my brain screams at me to apply more. * When I apply, I’m flooded with anxiety and flashbacks of past interviews. * At night, I can’t sleep. * During the day, I feel behind and panicked. I’m not afraid of hard work. I’m afraid that no amount of hard work is enough. I don’t even know what I’m looking for with this post. Maybe I just needed to say it somewhere. Maybe I needed to feel less alone. Location is India