Heartbroken and frustrated

I read the rules and I don’t really know if this type of post is allowed but I just need to rant and let feelings out. I was laid off in February along with 100 other tech focused co workers. This was

I read the rules and I don’t really know if this type of post is allowed but I just need to rant and let feelings out. I was laid off in February along with 100 other tech focused co workers. This was my first job out of college since being an intern. I worked on the CRM team or the “Salesforce” team... working on both backend services written mainly java and developing salesforce code with JavaScript. Truthfully I thought I was good at my job. I got promoted twice over the span of about 4 years, even though inside I hated it all. I always wanted more and my co workers were more “I work for the paycheck” kind of people... so if I wanted to do new things I had to just do it myself. Most of the time it ended up being something I learned/read about but never got to implement because there was no enthusiasm. Lay offs aside, I figured this was a great chance to find something I truly wanted to do and make my next career move into a more traditional web development role. (If any of you know salesforce, it’s not very traditional and sets some limits on what is possible). So I took the opportunity to build on top of my JavaScript knowledge and just learn for about 2 months. There wasn’t much else I wanted to do. I took Udemy courses on JavaScript and react primarily and feel like I have somewhat of a good grasp on it. I then began sending out my resume and all looked promising. Had many phone calls with recruiters and those led to a few in person interviews but nothing has yet to stick. Fast forward to today. I had (what I thought) was a very very promising interview last week. It was the 4th round after a tech screen leetcode type google hangout interview, followed by implementing something in react to then a 4 hour in person interview. I received an email from the HR recruiter say “i hope you had a great weekend, the team has made a decision and would like to setup a phone call for later this afternoon”. I did not want to get my hopes up but deep down I thought “hey there is no way someone would call you after saying some nice things and using exclamation marks to give you bad news”..... turns out, that’s exactly what happened. I literally started sobbing in my chair. I’m crushed. I’m sad. I feel nothing but dumb. And I just don’t know what to do anymore. The obvious answer here is... “well did they say why? Go take what they said and just go study it more” “Build more stuff” “Link your GitHub and contribute more” “Better your portfolio” “Freelance” These are all obvious to me and maybe I want a pity party but maybe I don’t because only I’m to blame at the end of the day. I’m sorry my anxiety is flaring and this is really really hard. And I don’t even know if any of this is coherent to understand Thanks for reading.