October

I was laid off October 2023 and haven’t worked as an engineer since then. Senior engineer, 7-8 years of experience. Honestly, the combination of remote work and alcoholism destroyed my mental health that by the time i received that fateful calendar invite, i was relieved. I didn’t have to do it anymore. I got an okay severance but used that and my unemployment to keep me afloat and not homeless for ~6 months. I quit drinking at that time and interviewed for a few jobs. After two final rounds for a couple jobs and not getting it both times, i’ve basically been frozen. I can’t do the interviews, i can barely even bring myself to apply anymore. I thought it would be easier being sober but it’s like my subconscious is trying to sabotage me because of how truly awful it was in those final months of employment. Here i am, 2 years later, and i’m not even sure if it’s possible for me to get a job anymore when i’ve got a two year gap. I’m borderline homeless, staying with family, and i’m kind of sick of it. Delivering uber eats destroyed my car in this time that i literally just cashed out my old 401k, the absolute last of my savings. I have tried camming as well with my girlfriend, since i’m a gay lady with an unreasonably hot girlfriend despite the life circumstances. It was great money but it’s so mentally exhausting, something i seemingly have no capacity for anymore. I haven’t posted in this sub since 2016/17 when i was a new grad and well, i honestly just want to feel like someone else understands my struggle. I feel like a failure and literally don’t know what to do with my life anymore. I had wanted this career since i was a child. What do you do when your dream job eviscerates your mental health? I know i need therapy but there’s no way a broke ass bitch can just afford that when i can’t even afford rent. I’ll probably delete this or maybe it’ll get moderated for not fitting the sub, but y’all, if anyone reads this, thank you for listening.